When Voices Disappear: The True Cost of Silencing Ourselves in Collaboration

I was catching up on past seasons of Project Runway when I encountered a moment that stopped me cold. In season 19, episode 5, designers were paired into teams of two. In one pairing, I watched as the more outspoken designer slowly chipped away at their partner until the second designer's voice completely disappeared from the creative process.

What infuriated me wasn't just witnessing it happen—it was watching the silenced designer (a woman, though it could have been anyone) actively participate in her own diminishment. "I don't want to say anything because I don't want to hurt the team," she explained as she physically shrank, making herself smaller with each passing minute. The team was at the bottom, surprising no one.

The False Binary of Collaboration

This moment crystallized something I've observed repeatedly in my work as a voice coach: the persistent myth that our collaborative options are binary. Either:

1. Speak up and risk conflict that damages the team
2. Stay silent to maintain harmony and serve the team

Both choices stem from the same flawed assumption—that our voices exist in opposition to successful collaboration rather than as essential ingredients within it.

This isn't just another example of someone (often a woman) making herself smaller in a professional setting—though it certainly is that. It's a profound misunderstanding of what true collaboration requires: the full electrical current of each person's power and voice.

Voice as Voltage

If, as I often teach, personal power is pure voltage—electricity being the core language of your body—then what happens when we deliberately dim that current? Not only do we diminish ourselves, but we fundamentally alter the collaborative circuit.

The dominant voice doesn't actually benefit from this arrangement either. Without resistance, without the creative friction of another fully-powered perspective, their ideas remain unchallenged, unexpanded, and ultimately weaker. When we make ourselves smaller to avoid "hurting the team," we paradoxically guarantee the team will produce less than its potential.

Both overpowering a teammate and making yourself smaller are, at their core, lazy behaviors. They require less effort than the complex, sometimes uncomfortable work of true collaboration.

Beyond the Middle Ground

The elegant solution isn't found in some imagined middle ground—it's not about compromise or finding the average between two positions. These approaches still operate within the false binary.

What if instead:

- We recognized that curiosity is the key that unlocks true collaboration
- We normalized putting risky, half-formed ideas on the table
- We celebrated the vulnerability of thinking out loud with another person
- We acknowledged that saying something "stupid" or embarrassing might be exactly what opens the door to brilliance

What if playing it "safe" is actually what limits genuine communication and collaboration?

The Embodied Practice of Collaborative Voice

This is where the physical practice of voice becomes so crucial. When I work with clients on breath support, resonance, and vocal presence, we're not just developing technical skills—we're building the physiological foundation for courageous collaboration.

The body that is grounded, breathing fully, and vocally resonant is a body prepared to:

- Stay present during disagreement rather than contracting in fear
- Maintain access to creative thinking even when challenged
- Express half-formed ideas with the confidence they deserve
- Listen with genuine curiosity rather than defensive positioning
- Sustain energy through the complex dance of true collaboration

The Multitude Within Collaboration

True collaboration means the final product belongs to no single person. It holds the multitude—a creation that couldn't have existed through any individual alone.

This requires giving a little on ego and identity. The final design, presentation, or solution no longer resembles just your vision—it becomes something greater, something unexpected, something truly co-created.

I've seen this happen in rooms where every person maintains their full voltage while remaining curious about others'. The energy is palpable. Ideas build upon ideas. The unexpected emerges. And most importantly, no one leaves feeling diminished.  Is it messy and/or scary? Often.  But also, human.

A Practice for Your Next Collaboration

Before your next collaborative meeting or project, try this brief practice:

1. Place one hand on your lower abdomen and take three full breaths, feeling the expansion on the inhale and focusing on letting go with the exhale.
2. Recall a time when you felt fully expressed and valued in a group setting. Notice the sensations in your body as you remember this experience.
3. Set a clear intention: "I will bring my full voice to this collaboration while remaining curious about others."
4. As you enter the collaboration, regularly check in with your physical presence. Are you making yourself smaller? Are you taking up more space than allows others to be heard?
5. When you notice yourself holding back, take a breath and ask yourself: "What am I not saying that might serve this project?"

Remember that your voice—your true, embodied, powerful voice—is never a hindrance to collaboration. It is an essential ingredient. Without it, the entire creation is diminished.

The choice isn't between harmony and discord. It's between the complex, sometimes messy richness of true collaboration and the pale imitation that comes from voices that are either dominating or disappearing.

In my studio, I witness the transformation when people reclaim their voltage while learning to collaborate. The results aren't just better professional outcomes—they're the joy that comes from being fully present, fully expressed, and fully engaged with others.

What might change in your collaborations if you refused to make yourself smaller in service of a false harmony?

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Have thoughts about this post or questions about how you can improve your voice and communication? I'd love to talk. Contact me at gina@growvoice.com